Memoirs Of An ASSHOLE

Why Do Men Die First??

2008-01-23T16:18:00.000-08:00

A friend recently sent me this, I thought I would share it with you. It goes along with what I've said in the past.... Women's greatest strength is appearing weak.

If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race...you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework....you're a pansy. If you work too hard...there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough...you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay...this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay...you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her...that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ...its equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks...its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet...its male indifference. If you cry...you're a wimp. If you don't...you're an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her...you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy...that's domination. If SHE asks you...it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear...you're a pervert. If you don't...you're gay.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape...you're sexist. If you don't...you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape...you're vain. If you don't...you're a slob. If you buy her flowers...you're after something. If you don't...you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements...you're full of yourself. If you don't...you're not ambitious. If she has a headache...she's tired. If you have a headache...you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often...you're oversexed. If you don't...there must be someone else.

Men die first because they want to.

Its Entertainment

2007-12-19T10:31:00.000-08:00

The Mitchell report has shed a little light on the drug use of Major League Baseball. More than 60 players were named in the report. Because star players have been named this story is being covered on non-sporting news and talk shows. Sports are simply entertainment. People and the hobbies act like players shooting up is a disgrace, but is it really. Lets apply that same principle to other areas. Actors and Actresses spend lots of money in cosmetic surgery to enhance their sell-ablity. So are you not going to give an Actress an award because she added a couple of cup size or she had a brazillian butt lift? You are probably still going to see their next movie. Women are you not going to date a guy that take Viagor or other enhancement pills? Probably not, your going to continue to smile after every those orgasm. In the day of microwave success people want a competitive advantage and with as much money at stake risk are taken. Some of these things are morally wrong in public option, but its just entertainment and sterioded or human growth hormone injected athlete plays better. For my $75 they can take the stuff. It doesn't mean that they have to be a role model to your children.

300 Mexicans

2007-12-03T19:54:00.000-08:00

Mexican invanding our border is a hot topic in this years political debates. Every country for security reasons should know who is coming in and out of their country. But we don't really want to get rid of them we just don't want them taking advantage of our public services that our middle class pays. I mean really imagine if you actually had to pay a union worker to cut your grass or clean your house. Most countries are built on the backs of slave or near slave workers. New countries emerge when the slave get tired of being part of the "empire." Immigrants aren't taking jobs they are giving the middle class a luxuries that the rich pay full price for. But the middle class can't afford to pay their "help" a real salary with benefits. As usual politican are playing on the fears of the middle class to keep everything at status quo.

Winter Time? What Winter?

2007-11-28T17:01:00.000-08:00

I could write a deep article about problems of the world, but not today. Today I'm rubbing in the summer time. Living here in MIA, its still 75+. So shorts and bikinis are still going strong here. What better way to show off the city than Mike aka Stacks showing off the 1st convertible phantom at age 20. He's a pretty cool guy. I had a chance to hang out with him and his dad. Road trip anyone??

Holiday Special Lovin'

2007-11-24T17:03:00.000-08:00

This was a thanksgiving special I just had to repost... I hope everyone had a great holiday.

Andrew the Asshole is a very sexual person. I’m looking for something new and exciting to add to my repertoire. The basics are your fruits: strawberries and grapes. The intermediates are your sweets: chocolate syrup, maple syrup, honey and ice cream (one of my nicknames is Baskin Robbins, I love to EAT…Ice cream!) I’m introducing a new trend… If you follow the following steps you to can join this prestigious club… The THANKSGIVING CLUB.

At the end of the below clip you will notice a lady buttered up like a turkey and thanksgiving. There lies my inspiration beyond this article.

So I started thinking of a new way to show your affection for your lady. Before you start cooking your significant other dinner, be sure you have the following items: Butter, a sauce brush and some dinner rollers. There is nothing more romantic than a candle light dinner, but we’re going to take dinner to a whole NEW level of ecstasy.

Start by cooking your significant other their favorite dish. While cooking, have a bottle of wine and flirtatious conversation. Flirting is more than what you saw it’s how you say it; how you look while saying it; how you touch them while you say it.

As the entrée and sides are nearing completion, work up the sexual tension between the two. After several long passionate kisses proceed to proclaim your desire for them is just as strong as your hunger for the food. This flattery will excite your partner, but what are words without action?

In a flirtatious sexual tone tell her to grab the food and take it to the bedroom. Put the different sides in serving bowls and your main entrée on a large plate. While you and your significant other are doing this put the butter in the microwave ‘til it melts. Send your partner to the bedroom with the package of rolls and for them to take off all their clothes. Once in the room proceed to BUTTER them UP…Literally!!! Forget the candle light dinner with rose petals this a candle light dinner on a BED of BUTTERED Rolls.

You heard it here first… Follow these steps and you will be part of this global brother and sisterhood… THE THANKSGIVING CLUB

Now let us give thanks for this FOOD we are getting ready to EAT!!!

Cougars Vs Jaguars

2007-11-20T13:01:00.000-08:00

I thought this promo clip for new reality show was a perfect way to introduce this next topic. Age of Love ask the question is older women or younger women better. This 30 year old tennis star gets to date 7 women in their 40’s and 7 women in their 20’s. I don’t watch the show so I can’t tell you who wins, but let’s answer this question here in my Memoirs.

I think men are attracted to older women for the same reasons women like older men, its security and stability. Young people are a lot of fun, but to have a relationship with one is like riding a roller coaster. I think my love for older women started in high school. Being a star athlete in private school can create an ego, but you add an older woman that’s going to med and you could say I have had a swagger ever since.
When Demi Moore swooped young, model and actor Aston off his feet more than 15 years was between them. Newly pregnant Halle Berry’s baby daddy is a younger model. You can say the same thing for older men who have younger models. These are celebrities, but how does it work for the average person.

Older vs. Younger… Which is better and why?

Sexual Escapades of Ms. Robinson

2007-11-12T23:29:00.000-08:00

Remember growing and having that one teacher you fantasized about… Hoping today would be the day they asked you to stay after class? Lately in the news there has been an increase in women being the culprit preying on the young men in their care.

Debra Lafave pleaded guilty to sexually abusing a 14 year old student, allowing her to escape jail time. She blamed the abuse on bipolar disorder. Pamela Rogers was charged with 15 counts of sexual battery by an authority figure and 13 counts of statutory rape in 2005. Christine Coffey, 33, has been accused of having a sexual relationship with a 17 year old student, and of course Mary Kay LaTourneau was imprisoned for her relationship with her now-husband Vili Fualaau. The couple has two daughters. With the exception of LaTourneau, none of the women mentioned above serve time in prison, and LaTourneau's prison sentence was originally commuted until she was discovered in a parked car with Fualaau in defiance of the court's no-contact order.

Many female sex offenders do not view their actions as abuse, but rather as a romantic relationship. Lisa Lynette Clark, who was 37 when she became pregnant by her 15 year old victim, describes the boy as the love of her life and even went so far as to marry the boy without his parents' consent under a loophole in Georgia law that allows minors to marry if the bride is pregnant.

Most recently in the news has been 23 year old Allenna Williams Ward, allegedly have sex with some of her students. When the school district commented to the press that it has yet been determined whether she will lose her teacher’s license. Not been determine!! Is it me or has society not willing to acknowledge that women can be the aggressor? Or is that where women’s power in society lie… the perception that they are weak and should not be held responsible for their actions?

SuperMan That Ho!!

2007-11-08T11:05:00.000-08:00

I'm sure all of us are familiar with Pop Music. There has been many argument in regards lyrics corrupting today's youth. This not one of those articles. I think high school would have been alot more fun if some of today's Pop Music was so widely accepted. Only in America do you have the high school beauty queen screaming SKET SKET on videos uploaded onto YouTube.

Do you remember the days that it was cool to be a gentlemen: open your lady's door, send flowers with sweet love poems? I remember those good ol' days. Now most women would consider that guy a punk.

What's popular now is Soulja Boy's song... Crank That. He has two line that I most people would publicly say was offensive language. "Super Soak that Ho" and "Superman that HO". It easy to guess what "Super Soak that Ho" is... This would the act of cumming on a female like a water gun. Now it took me a while to figure out what "Supermaning" a Ho was... When having sex from behind to ejaculate on her back. After she falls asleep you put a sheet on her back where you just cam on her back. When she wakes up the sheet will be dried to her back so when she stands up it looks like she has a cape on.

Soulja Boy is 15 years old... I can't say even with my freakiness I was not deviant. This is not just boys being boys, because as you can see in the video young high school women are dancing to this. Not to mention Soulja Boy is getting paid for this. Kids are exposed to so much more these days.

Powerful Wise ASS

2007-10-31T22:32:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I introduced the book, The 48 Laws of Power. I gave you two laws with examples of how they can be useful. Today I will give you two more nuggets of wisdom.

Recently I have realized the importance of these next laws. I have had 3 new bosses in the last couple months. I have applied both of with my newest boss that seems to want to bother with me.

CONTROL THE OPTIONS: GET OTHERS TO PLAY WITH THE CARDS YOU DEAL.
The best deceptions are the ones that seem to give the other person a choice: Your victims feel they are in control, but are actually your puppets. Give people options that come out in your favor whichever one they choose. Force them to make choices between the lesser of two evils, both of which serve your purpose. Put them on the horns a dilemma: They are gored wherever they turn.

THINK AS YOU LIKE BUT BEHAVE LIKE OTHERS
I you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.

The lessons I learned in using these laws are that every boss likes to talk. So instead of arguing like I normally would, I asked for her opinion. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut, because I can be a wise ass, especially when I feel like I’m smarter than my brother.

Ask The Ass Mondays - I'm BACK!!!

2007-10-29T00:00:00.000-07:00

Yes I am back... As many of you realized I was absent last week. I do apologize for my slackness. Or maybe I was just being as ASS. Red is one of my favorite colors, especially when its women in heels. But I'm back and ready do what I do best which is be an ASS!!!!!

I have some great things in store for my readers... Soon I will doing articles on Married Women, Wise ASS, and Death/Life.

But for now write in your questions and I will give you an ass of Anwer. Its Monday!!!

Ask The Ass Mondays - Oil Cash Cow

2007-10-22T02:31:00.000-07:00

For the newbies Its Monday!!!! I know you thinking whats the excitement... well your here at my blog and you should be excited to be here every Monday. Every Monday you get to ask the ASS questions. I will give an ASS of an opinion. So fire away and I will update the Blog post with my answers throughout the day.

The movie clip is the intro from the movie, "The Kingdom". Which is what I did this weekend, afterwhich I watched football with friends. Then I ended the evening with a nice nap on a boat, and woke up to the end of the Sunday Night Football game.

What's the Cost of FREEDOM?

2007-10-18T09:43:00.000-07:00

Rendition is a new suspense thriller coming out this Friday. According Wikipedia, Extraordinary rendition and irregular rendition are terms used to describe the extrajudicial transfer of a person from one state to another, and the term Torture by proxy is used by some critics to describe extraordinary rendition by the United States, with regard to the alleged transfer of suspected terrorists to countries known to employ harsh interrogation techniques that may rise to the level of torture. The point of this article is not to promote the movie, but to raise an important question… What is the cost of freedom?

In this day and age terrorist attacks can happen anywhere at anytime. Terrorism is a matter of viewpoint. 9/11 was a terrible thing but how different is that than some of the things the US and other democratic Christian countries have done?

In the Bay of Pigs we funded and participated in with the “rebels" to over the Castro Cuba. From family that are navy seals and in other stealth government agencies; we have called politicians in small countries demand certain Pro-US actions or he would be killed. These conversations often occur when a team of navy seals are in the politician compounds with orders to kill them.

Whether you agree or disagree with the current war, it was the first of its kind. It was marketed to the masses through new teams on the ground streaming live footage.

Many things go into your freedom one of things are the killing of those that threaten it.

Would you rather know and see what your freedom cost or would prefer ignorance and go back to watching reality TV with a light heart?

Case of the Mondays

2007-10-14T23:51:00.000-07:00

Its Monday... If you frequent my blog you understand what Monday means. If you are new you may be wandering what will cure your case of the Mondays? Well its ME THE ASS, I am the cure for your boring uneventful Mondays. Its ASK THE ASS MONDAYS.

No topic is off limits, ASK of the ASS what you like, but understand the answer you may not like. LET'S BEGIN

Jim - Does Anal Hurt?
I'm a man, so I don't know... But let me put this broom stick up you ASS and let the readers know next week.

Euros Vs. Dollars Would I live in India?
The Dollar will always be king, because the strength of every other economy is based on how much they sell to America. I would like to have homes on every part of the world, especially the parts that would make it financially benefitual for me to live there.

Girly Girl - Who is Jim?
Jim is an older gentleman, that is in love with a lady named Mary (who doesn't love him). He also is starting to fall in love with a female in India. Probably he wants to move there.

Ticia - When a man grabs your hand and holds it - what should you be thinking?
Well think whatever you like, whatever makes you feel good. Its a form of flirting.

Politicians - For Sale - Buy 1 Get 1 FREE!!!!!

2007-10-10T00:56:00.000-07:00

A few years ago America was outraged of a Middle Eastern company, Dubai Port World, being in charge our ports. I’m sure most of you heard about and maybe you even wrote your Senator. I’m bringing this up, because Congress lead the way with public outrage shut down the deal. An American company was quickly found to take over the ports.

Politicians are simply puppets control by the strings of money. This year Dubai just purchased 20% of NASDAQ, the American stock exchange and also will take control of their stake in London Stock Exchange. Now how come no Congress man is on TV screaming “Outrage!!”?

Well this time Dubai spent almost $10 million between 3 Lobbying companies to get your politicians to give the deal a thumbs up. Politicians, merry puppets, spend time criticizing each other for passing laws or business deals for their fundraisers; but they all seem to sell out to the highest bidder.

Do you think it is dangerous to have politicians that are indebted servants of special interest groups, rather the “people?” And if you believe it is dangerous, what is solution for our elections? For the last, 10 or more US presidents, they have raised the most amount of money, and the “people” are not the ones funding them.

Ask The ASS - Its Monday N***a$!!!!

2007-10-07T22:36:00.000-07:00

I hope everyone's weekend was good, my was good... not much sleep but fun non the less. For those that are new today is MONDAY, which in BlogLand it is ASK THE ASS Mondays. Mondays is the day that readers submit questions for to Andrew, which only Andrew can give an ASS of an anwser. On past mondays we have covered every from sex to politics. You can post a question and I will update the Blog throughout the day with my Fuckin' Answers...Nothing is off limits! So lets get started!!!!

DC Speaks - Is it necessary to get your friend's permission to go out with his sister when everyone is over 35 yrs old?
I would think not... I know I wouldn't ask nor expect my sister to ask my persimission since she is an adult too. Now if your friend feels that, their sister makes poor decisions like him being your friend... then I would have to yeah you might want to run it by him. But DC seems like a gentlemen with his head on straight.

Now Jim your ASS would have to ask me!!! And the answer would be NO!!!! ;D

Question Every Thing but ASK THE ASS

2007-10-05T09:20:00.000-07:00

Its the start of the weekend, but of course my weekend started last night. I think everyday should be Friday and Saturday. Above I have given you a video of THE WORLD, a private island. I have been doing some research on Dubai. I know that ASK THE ASS Mondays are coming and you are leaving me questions, but I have several question for you.

Do people short sale themselves on how they can live because they don't believe they can live like this or is it the lack of exposure?

They build places like this... so someone has to be buying, so why not you?

You ladies and gentlemen have a good weekend, I'll be out playing but do drop me some question and I'll be sure to give you an ASS of an answer!!!

One Powerful ASS

2007-10-04T00:32:00.000-07:00

In this week’s Ask The Ass Monday, Ced asked me what my favorite book was. Above is an interview with author Robert Greene. His book, “The 48 Laws of Power,” has sold millions of copies in 20 languages. His follow up books, “The Art of Seduction” and “The 33 Strategies of War”, will become classics as well. As Scarface and The God Father developed a cult like following in the hip hop community, Robert Greene’s book are taking their place. He is currently writing a book with 50 Cents and developing a strategy based on his books.

I am bringing this up because I would recommend this book to anyone that wants to accomplish things with their life. My disclaimer is that this should not be the first “self-help” book you read. That would be like handing a kid the controls to a stealth fighter jet and they haven’t learned to shoot a gun.

I imagine you have wonder like I have wonder before, how did that guy get the corner office? Or, how did that guy get elected to that high of an office? How did he or she get that spouse? I think indirectly you can find the answer in The 48 Laws. The trick is, understanding what LAW to use in a given situation.

Here are 2 LAWS that I have found useful on a daily basis:

BE ROYAL IN YOUR OWN FASHION: ACT LIKE A KING TO BE TREATED LIKE ONE
The way you carry yourself will often determine how you are treated: In the long run, appearing vulgar or common will make people disrespect you. For a king respects himself and inspires the same sentiment in others. By acting regally and confident of your powers, you make yourself seen destined to wear a crown. Other people will believe in that destiny and help you get there.
GET OTHERS TO DO THE WORK FOR YOU, BUT ALWAYS TAKE THE CREDIT
Use the wisdom, knowledge and legwork of other people to further your own cause. Not only will such assistance save you valuable time and energy, it will give you a godlike aura of efficiency and speed. In the end your helpers will be forgotten and you will be remembered. Never do yourself what other can and will do for you.

Don’t float through life… consciously apply these LAWS and you’ll be amazed how simple the game is when you know the LAWS.

Ask The Ass Mondays - Global Initiative

2007-10-01T21:01:00.000-07:00

CapCity - do u mind when people just GIVE u a nickname?
No I don’t mind. Since I was young I would always give myself a nickname for given environments. It create a cult like following. With nicknames you can create larger than life personas… It’s one of the things that make celebrities what they are.

Do u think blogs will evolve or dissolve?
Blogs will evolve to take the place of reality shows. Eventually technology will make it so that you can have live video blogs.

Jim - tell me cud u love some one who is 6000 miles away?
I can love someone 6000 miles away, but the question is can you have a meaningful relationship 6000 miles away? Most people like some type of affection and interaction which makes it hard.

Should Jim find some one in my own back yard?
Yes, find you someone within driving range, unless you both have your own private jet and the type of job you can do from anywhere.

Nikki - what do you enjoy about reading blogs?
Reading blogs is like reading a book while the person its writing the book. Also it seems more real when its not in a newspaper or magazine. You get the impression that you are having a conversation with a peer.

Ticia - When will she go on a Date?
I hope its this year for your sake. But I have a suggestion... Just Be friendly. Many women say the same thing you are but you look angry and unapproachable. I think your problem can be fixed with a simple smile and friendly conversation.

Ced - What are my favorite and least favorite books?
My favorite would have to be between "Think and Grow Rich" by Napolean Hill and "The 48 Laws of Power" by Robert Greene. I usually don't read for per leisure. Both books list above were read for a purpose and during a time i needed to read it. I can't say I have least favorite because its all helping me get to my goal as described in my short story THE CURE.

Flavor Flav Roasting - Leave a Question

2007-09-29T09:35:00.000-07:00

Flavor Flav has some ignorant things on his show, but his roast is hilarious!! Hope everyone has a great weekend don't forget to leave a question for Monday's Ask the ASS!!!

Ask The Ass Mondays - Jena 6

2007-09-24T21:19:00.000-07:00

I was happy to see a peaceful demonstration this past week. However, I am highly disappointed that more time mainstream media shows American Americans and other minorities in a negative light. Until 10,000+ people came to Jena, more time has been spent on O.J.'s robbery and Mike Vick dog fighting. The media is ready to lynch these two athletes and still want to dismiss the "Jena 6" as though its not a big deal.

This Monday I would like to propose a question of own to all my readers. Are minorities preceived in a negative light because of the way they are protrayed in the media? Or is stereotyping based on fact?

Celebrity Relationships - Shaq Files for Divorce

2007-09-20T21:12:00.000-07:00

Recently Shaq filed for divorce from his wife of 5 years and mother to their 4 children. NBA, or pro athletes in general are not known for their faithfulness; so when when the divorce first surfaces it should be of no surprise. But this time the man is filling for the divorce, which means she messed up. Now the rumor here in Miami is that she has been seeing her personal trainer. Thats not the bad part though... She bought the mouthfucker a $650k condo on the beach!!!! Now I know what your saying he's just getting what he dished out, because he was probably cheating too. But you don't go buy that kinda a gift with your man's money and don't expect for him to get upset. Buy the personal trainer an outfit, but now a half a mil condo.

On a bigger picture what is your thoughts on dating or marrying a celebrity or pro athlete. The industry is not know for their faithfulness. So how as a female do you really take the relationship seriously? Or is everyone getting what they want out of the deal? He gets his trophy wife that will bare him children and she get the house, money and fame. Who is to blame the man or the woman?

Ask The Ass Mondays - Reflection

2007-09-17T09:07:00.000-07:00

Last week Jim or Capcity asked me about my thoughts on the 9/11 Anniversary that just past us. Whenever you mention 9/11 there are many different political and personal takes on the issues that are important. I had to go all the way back to Disney's "The Twilight Zone" to describe my feelings. At the end of this episode, The Monsters are Due on Maple Street, the people of Maple St. are fight among themselves while they try to figure out who among them is an Alien. The Alien sit on a hill above the town watching them fight among themselves, because their way of life was disrupted.

The tradegy on 9/11 is not that 3,000 people died or that 5 years later we are at war, the tradegy is the freedoms we have handed over to the government for the sake of finding terrorist. Americans have made lines at the airports long with many restrictions. Americans have given our government the right to wire tap those suppected of terrorism. Whenever we have a problem we are not asking what we can do, but asking "What is the government going to do about this?"

Politicians know that most people are followers and people will give away their responsiblity to almost anybody, so that they won't be held responsible. 9/11 wasn't the first time Americans have given away their freedom. Another disasterest time was when then Democratic president gave a private company, the Federal Reserve Bank, the right to print "the people's" money (because we were to stupid to do it ourself). Rothchild sumed it up best, "If I control the printing of money I care not who is in office." As history proves itself another event will happen that we will give more responsiblity to our governments.

Communist Capitalism til Death do us

2007-09-12T23:37:00.000-07:00

Communist Capitalism…China’s version of a capitalist society is demonstrated in the above video. I could talk about America spreading democracy in China the way it has in Iraq, but I’m going to talk about killing someone for not performing their job. Can you imagine how much more productive people would be if their life was on the line?

Their equivalent of the FDA has them in hot water with American consumers. Since the end of summer giant toymaker, Matel, has been having recalls on toys for dangerous levels of led in the toy’s paint. Matel’s CEO committed suicide when the media frenzy started. After talking to several people that grew up there(China) or do business there, they both tell me that people just disappear. Based on sources it probably wasn’t a suicide. The head of their FDA is being put to death for accepting bribes.

Imagine if American politicians were put to death for taking bribes and fucking up? Well I guess we wouldn’t have politicians. Many cultures it is custom to exchanges before doing business. In America bribes are illegal, but we can have lobbyist that speak on behalf of special interest groups. We also tend to play golf, eat and drink together before doing business. Are these things not considered the same?

The American consumer lives in a bubble of no danger. Most Lawsuits could be solved by a common sense. China should have to pay for harming children, and they are taking steps to rectify the mistake, but killing someone for taking bribes and fucking just seems over the top.

Should bribes and other forms of gifts be illegal?

Should anyone fear their life for not performing ethically and at a high proficiency?

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-09-09T22:58:00.000-07:00

I thought I would start your Monday Morning off with a little humor, from the upcoming CAVEMAN show. Its so stereotypical. To think we find this funny. Of course we do, because maybe they are partly true. I hope everyone had a great holiday week. My was great because I was on vacation. Last week Jim got rid of Mary, which had him acting fool when she left him. Jim also wants me to be a blond if I am a woman. Don't you want to know? But I'll be staying in character, Andre The Asshole. Feel free to add questions through out today and I will come back and answer them. But lets get start with my girl CAP

CAPcity
1. r u still doing the AskTheA--Mondays?
Why yes of course I am still doing Ask the ASS Mondays. I still think I need to have guest women ASSes commit on the questions.

2. Why don't I like the use of the word Azz & try to call u everything else? If it doesn't bother U it shouldn't bother me - but i still don't like it. lol!
Andrew the ASShole is a character that I came up with. Part of it is marketing... when I commit on people's page my name stands out. It lets readers know what to expect. Secondly its part of my personality to be brashly honest, and sometimes that comes with the label Asshole.

3. Do u speak any other languages? if so, which?
I speak English and I have picked up a little spanish living a Miami for a year.

Wise ASS Tagged

2007-09-05T19:55:00.000-07:00

This time Rajeev tagged me.
Here are the rules:
* Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
* When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
* At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.
* Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged.

My middle name is Julius. I took the approach of the “Wise Ass” so used the letter to give bits of knowledge that will help you be successful today.

J – James (Brother of Jesus) – “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger.”

U – “U” – “If U think U can’t U’re right and if U think U can, U’re right again.” Henry Ford

L – Life - “You can have everything out of LIFE that you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want out of life.” Zig Ziglar

I – Influence (in-flu:enze) n. A person’s indirect power over men, events or things, e.g. through wisdom, wealth force of character etc., and not as the exercise of physical force or formal authority – a comparable power in such a thing, the moon’s influence on the tides – a person or thing having such power – such power to sway authority or people in authority.

U – “U” – “If U can dream it, U can do it.” Walt Disney

S – Succeed – “To SUCCEED, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions.” Benjamin Franklin

I'll spare Brandon's Intellegent Ignorance from being tagged, as he is the only letter that I have.

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-09-03T20:16:00.000-07:00

Yes ladies and gents you are probably wondering where in the HELL has this ASS been, well I am on vacation. So I have been partying and seen family. I hope everyone had a great time on their long weekend. However its back to the slave field today. I see people have already post question on last weeks post so I will get straight into answering questions. Feel free to add to them as well.

Hotnikz - I have a question Andrew. Do you believe that a platonic relationship can exist?
I have several platonic lady friends. Several types of guys can't have platonic friends. If you are married, then its probably going to be tough. The other type are those people with a low self image. Because some men and women are comfortable just saying what they want. If you want to have sex with a female then just ask as a pose to using "friendship" to get it.

Jim - How do you woo a female back?
You don't get her back. You should move on to another relationship(s). You have a better chance of getting her back, if you are validated by other women. What i mean by validation is that other women see you as desirable. She may want you after you move on.

Cap - Your right I can't be mad at you and even if we do get mad at each other we can have make up sex.

Cap - will your other female fans be upset that I get the make up sex? And then what about that fan who thinks you're a woman? r u willingly admitting to lesbianism?
I don't think my other female friends would be upset, because I am an orgasm consultant. To take me off the market would mean a management buyout. My other female fans would be perhaps jealous of the quality time that you get from me. Now for those fans that thing I am woman... Most men still are attracted to the idea of two or more woman at a time. I think that most men that say they aren't just don't believe they will ever be in position to have that fantasy become a reality. And if I am a woman I would totally enjoy the curves of woman along with everything else that comes with women.

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-08-26T21:12:00.000-07:00

I recently saw TK in person and he was a real ASSHOLE. So Enjoy the clip. I am still looking for a female to join me in "Ask The Ass Mondays." We have a few early entries. So I will go ahead and start anwsering question. Feel free to ask more today.

CapCity - How many bloggers have U met in person? -or- if that invades your privacy;-)...How many Poets have U made love to(inspired by your video of choice:-)?
I have only met one of my readers in person. I have had sex with 2 poets, both were girlfriends. I use to write poetry in my younger days.

Jim - she wants to go out to a different town with me for the weekend to have fun. HOW DO I ACT SO I DONT LOOK LIKE A WUSS AND EASY TO GET GUY!??!?!?
Well going out of town with a female is great, because you don't have to do all the work to entertain her. In a previous comment post you said she got mad for kissing her in public? Well unless you were in the middle of church or she is married or in a relationship she shouldn't be too mad. I would have apologized for kissing her. Jim I would say you should just treat her like every women. Treat her like a friend.

I Will Beat Your ASS!!!!!!

2007-08-23T01:26:00.000-07:00

One of the women I deal with is a lawyer. Once a week or more she tells me of a lady that is getting her ASS beat by her man. The next week the same lady is trying to drop the abuse charges, but little does she know they can’t be dropped. The State is obligated to pursue the lawsuit even if the abused doesn’t want to follow through with it.

Why???? It doesn’t make since. Why do women stay in an abusive relationship? Sometimes its physical, but other times its mental and emotional. I have even had a personal situation that a relationship didn’t go well because I wasn’t abusive. Really what the FUCK?

Women might be in a bad situation, but they don’t leave. Physiologically women see that as love. He beat my ASS because he loves me. They justify his actions for him and somehow they deserved to be degraded.

Beating someone is an extremely, but mental abuse can be just as damaging. Women seem to have a tendency for “bad boys.” “Bad Boys” bring this type of drama, but women keep going for this type.

So do most women (even if its on a subconscious level) like a little abuse?

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-08-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

For Several weeks Jim has been having women problems or maybe its the other way around Jim's girl is having man problems. Either way we will solve them. Actually maybe what I should do is have a Female counter part that can be an ass from that perspective. So ladies if you are interest we can team up to a Ask the Ass Mondays from a female viewpoint. If you are interested Ladies let me know and I send you my email and we can work this out.

So above I gave you a little dirty talk poetry. Now you can give me some questions and give you some Ass Knowledge.

Confession7 - what do u think of the Beckham madness in the USA now?? :D
I think that a "cause" needs someone to rally behind. Soccer needs a star American can call its own. Soccer is a great sport, but is not appreciated in America the way it is elsewhere. I hope him being here will give it some longevity in the states.

Ticia - When will you lose 30 lbs?
I recently read a news article suggesting that there is a direct link between ones weight and their peer group. Peer pressure can be a good thing or a bad thing. Weight, income, appearance, etc can be affected by your peer group. So first find some "fit" people to hang with and you will probably lose it fast than doing it alone. Also for health reason you should lose the the weight.

Keshi - When will I get a real man?
Mentors have always told me you attract what you are not what you want. So lets not concentrate the man right now. You become the woman that you need to be and you will have your choice of good men to choose from.

Throw Back: Red or Blue Pill?

2007-08-17T05:59:00.000-07:00

Like Morpheus offering Neo, I can only offer you the truth. Some of you reading this will go research how far the rabbit hole goes others of you will go on being delusional. But the red pill has been offered to you...

What if everything you had grown up believing wasn’t really as it appeared, what if it wasn’t true, would you want to know or would you want to live ignorance? Most people’s believe systems are based on their background, or either they rebel and go to the other extreme. Two major divisions of people today are Race and the Political party. What if neither really mattered? I know your saying but there has to be that separation. Do Democrats really care about black people, Do Republics really only care about only white people? Is there that much difference between blacks and whites?

The Art of War, The 48 Laws of Power and many other social studies books all dedicate chapters to the strategy of “Divide and Conquer.” Democrats don’t care about Black people, they simply market their policies to the poor and lower middle class. While, Republicans cater their policies to the middle class and rich. If you look at the races, there is not a drastic difference in culture among the races in the same income bracket.

How do politicians get elected? They must run many ads through various forms of media, all of which takes enormous amounts of money. So who is funding this? Well considering that 80% of the world’s wealth is controlled by less than 20% of the population, they both have to go to the same people for money. Regardless of who wins they both get paid from the same people. We live in the United States of America, the democratic society of the selected. So does your vote really matter… well lets follow the money trail through history.

We’ll start with the current administration. The popular believe is that we would not have gone to war if it wasn’t for Bush and Chaney. Bush who raised a record amount of money for both his terms, but what would have happened if he lost? Democrat, Kerry would have won, who is also member of Yale’s elite secret society, Skull and Bones. The Bush family has been members since the founding of the organization in the late 1800’s. Even though Chaney is not a member himself, there are 8 Chaney’s on the membership list. Out of the 56 appointed positions, 43 are Bones men. Kerry’s administration would not have looked any different. The organization likes war because it lines the pockets of business that profit from war: oil, manufacturing of military goods and its suppliers.

In April of 2001 a gentlemen, Larry Silverstein, purchased building 7 of the WOTC for $15 million. During the summer months he secured a 3.5 billion dollar insurance policy for acts of terrorism. Several months later 9/11 magically happens out of nowhere. He made the argument that because 2 planes hit it was 2 separate acts of terrorism. He was awarded $7 billion. This was the same government building that Mayor Gulioni’s emergency quarters were, yet he decided to heroically run through the streets. This 47 story building was brought down with a couple fires scattered through the building.

In Charlotte, NC the mayor firmly stood against the building of a new stadium for the Bobcats. The city even voted against it. However after the mayor had a meeting with the wealthy of Charlotte (the people who keep him in office by funding his campaign) where the question was asked if he want to be anything more than a mayor? A few days later the stadium was approved by the mayor despite a public vote.

There are many more examples such as the Bay of Pigs, JFK assassination and the attempted Reagan assassination. When you follow the money they always lead back to elite organizations (Skull & Bones, Bohemian Grove, Illuminati, Bilderberg Group, Federal Reserve,) and certain bloodlines (Bush, Rothchild, Vanderbilt, Morgan and Rochafella). In the end money and banking wins, but of course you can just take the blue pin and all of this could just be a coincidence and none of it really happened…

Go Vote!!!

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-08-13T21:26:00.000-07:00

Jim - My girl now says I am being a wussy. whats a wussy?
Wussy is being a pussy. Your acting soft. Your acting unmanly. What did you do to make her say that?

ViVivoom - Why does a guy who you've fancied, he's fancied you, but the timing wasn't right, him had girlfriend,then I had boyfriend, now both single and he DOESN'T make a move??????
He's not going to make a move. Men are hunters that enjoy conquering something. The fact that you were unavailable is what attracted him to you. Its human nature to want what you can't have. If you want him to make a move find another man to be seen with. Or you can be an independent 21st century women and approach him.

Nefty/Ticia - How is Andrew The Asshole doing?
Andrew is doing good. I've had a pretty busy couple of weeks. I'm between moving, changing career and securing financing for a company I'm starting. So physical I'm good, just alot of things to think about. Success is never convenient or in your own timing. But there is no traffic in the extra mile.

Jim - u r right Andrew my girl wanted to walk out lets be buddies is what she said I went into tears what shud i do now? how do i regain my macho image?
First how to gain your manhood back... What did you do to get her in the first place? Usually people forget that you have to keep things fresh. With her wanting to leave... You know how if you open a door for a cat and tell it to come in they won't, but as soon as you act like your going to shut the door they come running. That's exactly what she did to you. She's fucking with your head

Wise Old ASS - Ask The Ass Questions

2007-08-11T07:52:00.000-07:00

Its the weekend, I am going to leave you with a thought to think about. You can post question for this week's Ask The Ass Monday. Last week Jim was having women problem that we fixed, Ticia had her birthday gift given, but I know my reader will surprise me with their witty questions as they always do. SEE YOU ON MONDAY.

Nothing great will ever be acheived without great men, and men are great only if they are determined to be so.
For glory gives herself only to those wo have always dreamed of her. - Charles De Gaulle

Micheal Jordan saw himself hitting the game winning shot in his back yard. Tiger saw himself sinking a 20 foot put to win the masters. The President saw himself giving a speech to the public many years ago. Today, what are you seeing yourself doing tomorrow... you'll probably be doing it.

Beautiful: Blessing or Curse?

2007-08-08T13:30:00.000-07:00

Beautiful: A Blessing or Curse?

Eva Longoria, Brad Pit, Catherine Zeta Jones, Denzel Washington, Tom Cruise and Hedi Klum… What do all of this people have in common? They are sex symbols. Their popularity is largely to them being a celebrity, but about that really hot girl next door and new sexy guy in your office; is their good looks a blessing or a curse. I have heard both men and women say that a person is out of their league because they look too good.
People are often intimidated by attractive people and do not approach them. Even if you do end up approaching them, you have to learn to cater to them. Whether it is men or women overly attractive people tend to fill the world revolves around them. Consciously or subconsciously they will not pay close attention to the other person.

Another downside to being too attractive is that people don’t take you seriously. They are not interested in the skills you have for the job they simply want to ask you. That actress that gets the audition only for the director to spend his time flirts with her. The pharmaceutical rep only gets to see the doctor because she’s cute.

Society is to blame for making them this way. Maybe they didn’t start out that way but through reinforcement we teach people how they should be treated. Attractive are given more tolerance than ugly people. That fat guy, better bring home flowers and have a good sense of humor. The average looking female better know how to cook, clean, cut the grass, dress up, go to the sporting event and play video games. Attractive people will get better customer service at any retail establishment, among other things like promotions, better grades.

But is it a Blessing or a Curse? Depending on which side of the gene pool you ended up on.

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-08-05T22:04:00.000-07:00

As you know ITS Monday. I hope you don't have a CASE of the Mondays. If so its ok, I'm here. Monday is also know around the world as "Ask The Ass Mondays" This is were my reader get to ask the question and I will answer them in True ASSHolish form. The last two weeks we have been talking about sexual lations. Somebody is horny!!! I got something for you too :D What will this week bring. I have a few early question I am going to answer now, but you can put in questions through out the day and I will update my writings accordingly!

CapCity - Why was Ask the Ass MONDAYS written on thursday?It was an interesting week, for the ASS. I was moving apartment, working on changing careers, the company is ready for financing, rewriting my tv show... All this happen at the same time, so my Monday questions fell through the cracks. I'm sorry, I'm BACK even harder though. Fire Away. I've missed your ASS!!!

Ticia - What is the ASS getting me for my birthday?I'm going to give you my time!!! With my time cums my attention... and with my attention you'll be the one cumming (multiple times) Lets pretend your the cake for your birthday.

CapCity - Have I learned to say ASS in other langauges, if so which ones?
NO I have thats a good idea though... The ASS in me likes Jim's comment, "Ass translates to CapCity." Too Funny

Jim
YOu need to seduce this woman. She might come from a southern religious background, but I'm sure she needs her back blown out every now and again.

Sugar - I've got a question Asshole, I mean Andrew. Would you prefer a wife who was subservient, attending to your every need and desire or a wife who knows how to cater to you, but still has a backbone and is willing to stand up for herself when necessary? What do you think most men would prefer?
Now I'm not most men. I think there is still men that like a subservient woman. Those men probably have a low self-esteem and so does the woman. Catering to a man is to really know him and his needs. Some men like for their girl to cook clean keep a nice house, but if you have enough going on in your life you should have to hire people to take care of those meaningless things. She needs to be starting a non-profits, a company, or something!!! I like them truly independent.

Anonymous said...
u have been married to a nice girl who keeps house and does all the chores but she dont turn u on and then after 26 years of marriage u hit upon a lady who really turns u on wud u ditch the old woman and go for the new ?
Well that the problem your ass should have never got married in the first place. The story sounds like you never were attracted to her, you just like what she did for you. Then after 26 years your financially stable tired of her cook, and you age makes you realize "I could have just hired a maid twice a week." A divorce is too expensive, so I would only leave if I had a contract ahead of time.

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-08-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

ViviVoom last week we had a discussion on Fuck Buddies, this week she is interested in Friends with Benefits. Is there really a difference? Last week she asked if you should have emotions with a FUCK Buddy, so is there really any difference between women having emotions with their FUCK Buddy and Friends with Benefits? Hell no there is no difference, this is simply women romanticizing a relationship of pure pleasure that they are not suppose to have. Men are “supposed” to sleep around with no remorse, but women are looked down on for it. Beyond that, women, unless they have been damaged at an early age, they can not have sex without emotions… It’s mentally impossible for them. The real question is when you are friends with benefits; do you allow them to have other Fuck Buddies, FWB, girlfriends or wives? With any relationship you should communicate on the boundaries… there is not set rules, or as simple as black and white. You should first be honest with yourself as to what you want from all your relationships platonic or sexual.

Phashant - Why does Andrew ask Questions?
I don't really ask too many questions. Ask the Ass Mondays is for my readers to ask me quesitons. I do sometimes incorporate questions into my write to get my readers think, and to get them to find the right answer for themselves.

Wise Ass Monday

2007-07-29T14:02:00.001-07:00

Its new week, my readers are back from vacation so I'm sure the questions will be good. Last week I dropped a little knowledge on "Fuck Buddies" What will this week bring? ONly you the reader and question askers can decide!!!!

Wise Ass Autobiography

2007-07-29T14:00:00.000-07:00

Am I an ASS? Why, YES I am, but I’m not just any ASS… I’m a Wise ASS!!! On my journey to “enlightenment” I came across an enlightened soul that left his/her autobiography… Do Enjoy!!!

An Autobiography in Five Chapters
Author Unknown

Chapter 1
I walk down the street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I FALL in.
I am lost. I am helpless.
It is NOT my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2
I walk down the SAME street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I pretend I don’t see it.
I FALL in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place
But it is NOT my fault.
It takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3
I walk down the SAME street
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I see it is there
I FALL in. It’s a habit, but my eyes are OPEN.
I know where I am.
It IS MY FAULT.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4
I walk down the SAME street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk AROUND it.

Chapter 5
I walk down a DIFFERENT street.

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don’t believe in circumstances. The people who get ahead in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can’t find them, they make them.”George Bernard Shaw

Let me put an elegant bow on this from what I got from this: “If you don’t like where your life is or where it is going… Go down a different FUCKING street.”
~Andrew the Asshole

Ask The Ass Mondays

2007-07-23T21:19:00.000-07:00

Oh yes I am an Ass, but now I'm an award winning ASS!!!! Last week I asked the question, but I'm back answering questions. This week it seems we have ventured away from politics and race this week is sex and tags... Not neccessarily in that order!!

ViViVoom - Does it really matter who fucks a fuck buddy? Are their emotions involved with a fuck buddy? I have a male friend (not a fuck buddy) and he tells me that he has absolutely no emotional ties to his women fuck buddies. Is it a gender thing maybe? Or ego?
*Ok first off I don't buy that it is a gender thing. Like I have said before men don't have less emotions just show them differently than women. Sex is an emotional experience. Men can have emotionalless sex. To men the act of sex is a game that involves conquering. Now if you start to spend "quality time" together and have sex on a continual basis emotions will develop on both end. I have heard both male and females have rules to keep emotions out of the way of their pleasure: Always have a 2 week gab when have sex with your sex buddy, never spend the night, never have sex with a "fuck buddy" more than 3 times... I'm sure all of you have heard more ways to do this but thats a start. Ego? Mens emotions are refered to as their ego while women refer to their emotions as Self Esteem. Its the same shit!!! At the end of the day you have to be honest with yourself and set self boundaries. If you don't have the discipline to create and stick to personal rules of engagement you will be emotional basket case in any relationship whether physical or long-term commitment.

Katie - She tagged me with some story that you were suppose to pick out 8 facts. I'm going to be completely honest... I really didn't get it!!! Katie is new here I want to welcome her, so if you would explain what the hell you want me to do then I will be happy to put my ASS spin on it.

Maybe one of my readers can get it
http://everyoneelsehasablog.blogspot.com/2007/07/rules-are-made-to-be-broken.html

Award Winning Monday

2007-07-22T02:35:00.000-07:00

Jeevy presents Andrew the Asshole with an Award... and award of community involvement!!!! Finally some gets rewarded for honesty. Now of course the rules of this is that I am supppose to bestow this award on 5 others. Now you know I can't give shit away!!! But maybe in another live I would, so lets dream for a moment. In my illusional dream I would give this award to....

Intellegent Ignorance, CapCity, Bad Bad Girl, Sojouner G

Monday questions are off to a Hot spot. Vi vi voom has already put her request in for the emotions of sexual partners or lack there of. Katie a new reader from the UK has tagged me, so will have to put an interesting spin on her tag. But let the questions roll!!!

Holocaust Victims SUE!!!!

2007-07-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

I thought I was mistaken when I saw the headline "Jews Sue Germany for the Holocaust" But no you are reading that correctly. This is the first time I've seen a group of people sue a country for genocide. Lets dream for a second that this suit will not be thrown out or a memorial will just be built to say I'M sorry. Slavery and genocide are terrible things that still happen today in some parts of the world. The majority race, religion or political party can force other groups into submission. But the question I'm asking is sueing the governments really going to help?

We should all be held responsible... We the people put governments in power, they only have as much control as we give them. The Jews should not just be suing the people that stood by and let this injustice happen. Genocide only works for a limited amount of time because it causes political unrest which leads to economic unrest. This is why most modern countries do not practice genocide or slavery openly.

With this law suit underway, what kind of pandora's box are we opening? Is there or should there be a time limit on how long you have before you sue a country? I seen some pretty bizarre lawsuits... Suing McDonalds because you didn't know the coffee was hot. Another man sued a home owner because he got hurt while robbing the home. In both cases the "victims" won. How sue will other victims around the world start suing the government?

I don't forsee any of these law suits growing legs unless a group has the financial backing and the political influence to do so.

Special Edition

2007-07-16T20:31:00.002-07:00

As many of my regular readers know Mondays are “Ask The Ass” Day, were you ask an array of questions and I answer them as only the Ass can. But today will be different… I’m asking the questions!!! I am asking you to create the future. I am interested in a movement that will be known as TV 2.0. I am considering getting involved with a new internet TV network, Whoosh TV, but more importantly is what you would want?

What features would make you watch TV on the internet, the way past generations have watched traditional TV networks? Netflix allows you to watch movies, generally older movies, for a small monthly fee. Itunes, Imovies and soon Apple TV charges each time you download something. You Tube is free and advertisers pay for the cost of running the business. Viacom just invested $45 million into Joost TV. That is the past, but what will the future look like?

I’ve heard some great ideas from have viewers interact with each other while watching “TV” together, Live broadcasting, and some speak of redefining news, and the next generation of blogging. But in you opinion what do you want TV 2.0 to be like?

Whoosh TV

Assimilation Vs. American Capitalism

2007-07-12T21:15:00.000-07:00

I was reading an article in a local newspaper on terrorist attacks in London. The article brought up the point that Britain even though they have a smaller population tend to have more terrorist attacks than the United States. They attributed this to the cultural differences of the two countries. Britain’s immigrants often keep more of their native culture, which seems to lead them to feeling ostracized. In America, immigrants are taught to become “Americanized.”

Is being Americanized really culture or is it the pursuit of the American Dream, which is Political, Financial and Religious Freedom.

For my international readers do you have these same discussions with people “assimilating” to being “more white” or more like the majority?

To get a “chocolate” perspective on this topic I got the help of my “chocolate” friend (Because I have chocolate friends) Brandon, author of Intellegent Ignorance.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Assimilation

Defined loosely, assimilation is the act of giving up ones cultural background, practices and beliefs and adopting those of the dominant culture. It is what America is known for. We are the “melting pot” (or salad bowl) of the world, where immigrants from every corner of the globe come in search of a new life and submerge themselves in OUR culture. Right?

Ummm… I’m not so sure about that. Besides, what culture would they adopt? Is there truly an American culture? On the contrary, America is a place where you can come and freely and proudly celebrate your individuality.

Most immigrants that come to this country tend to maintain their way of life. Though Christianity is the primary religion here, very rarely will you find a devout Muslim from the Middle East convert to Christianity when his feet hits US soil. The only difference is that they are able to take advantage of capitalism in its purist form.

Okay… so if the active pursuit of capitalism is what we are assimilating to, why do some people view assimilating so negatively?” Don’t we all desire financial stability? The customs and culture that make up the American brand of capitalism were established by the dominant culture. Since they created the system, “getting ahead” in America requires playing the game according to the established rules, no?

When you think about it, immigrants do not usually have a problem grasping this concept. Most groups come to America with their families, maintain their way of life, and actively pursue the American Dream.

On the other hand, ethnic minorities that are already here have a different take on it. Being that ethnic minorities in America (African Americans, Latinos etc.) have had a history of being discriminated against and shut out by the dominant culture, whether it be socially or economically, many have been hard-wired to view anything established by the dominant culture as negative; and to many in those communities, striving to obtain the acceptance and possessions of the dominant culture is to sell out and to betray your culture.

Sure, assimilating may be a bit harder for ethnic minorities due to lack of access and opportunities afforded to those of the dominant culture, but does that mean that we shouldn’t try? If you want those opportunities, in most cases, assimilating is a requirement.

Many people don’t understand this concept and feel that playing the game is to turn your back on your culture. Is that true? Is it possible to maintain your cultural identity and assimilate into American capitialism?

2007-07-09T13:52:00.000-07:00

Last week's Ask The Ass Monday was less controversial than the previous week, but I made up for it with my "Open Relationship/Swingers" post. My lady readers from around the globe were not as receive on that post as my "eating" or "seduction" post. Later this week I think I will tell you about How To Marry a Billionaire (or How to possible marry a type A Asshole :D)

Jim - Why Do I Blog?
I started blogging a couple month ago, when after reading Intellegent Ignorance. His audience was some what conservative and did not push the envelop not to make them uneasy. So me and Brandon created serval character to guest write, and well Andrew was going to be too over the top so I created a seperate blog for this character... Thus far its worked out quit nicely.

CapCity - How do I like her plug: Life, Love and Dancing
I think the conversation flow is unbelievable and I think I might get you to ghost write on a book I'm writing. I am curious as to the chocolate, vanilla, french vanilla and the rest of the Ben&Jerry Flavored characters? What was the effect you were looking for? It was pleasantly fresh and new.

Ticia - What do you do if you have a friend that loves to call your mother and talk like SHE ain't got no one else to talk to? I am being selfish?
Well in my case I love my mother, but we love each other from a distance. We both are stubborn, humbly right all the time, brash honesty or as we like to call it we are LEADERS, so its best that we love each other from a distance. My family knows that I'm taking over the world one day at a time, so they will happily talk to my friends (that aren't busy quitily staging a revolution on the world stage). Now if you have a different relationship with your mom you should understand that what attracts you to her other people will see and want to enjoy. If you want more time by yourself with her, make your friends dependent on you, then they will spend less time with your mother.

Cap also wants me to speak on an article entitled "Membership has its Privileges?"
In some regards I agree with the article, and in other regards I believe that is out dated. Exclusive clubs do have its privileges. 20 years ago "color" and "wealth" did march side by side. I think today there is not much different between the "white" elite and the "black" elite; the same goes for the middle class and poor. At the end of the day the world knows one color green. From an American stand point America has the most millionaires in the world by far. Also it helps that when you own companies you can benefit from the political freedom of a first world country and still tax advantage of the tax havens of the world: Switzerland, Caymen Islands, Bermuda, etc. I think that some of the "benefits" they speak of is available to minorities, if they would just decide what they want out of life and go get it. Stop making excuses and using "the man" as a scapegoat. That's the easy way out aka being lazy. Another way to look at it is that when you are on top you live in a glass house where everyone is a critics of your every action aka a target. A Gift and A Curse!!!

ATA Monday Questions

2007-07-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

Another great week. Dc added some politics to me and cap's race relations. I'm going to write an article on that "white priveleges" you sent me. Nefty wanted men to get pregnant last week, which I would say is a nasty joke that most women wish on men. Look forward to see all of you on Monday. How was everyone's 4th? What did you guys do?

Have a great weekend.

How Open Is Too Open

2007-07-05T10:15:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Brandon from Intellegent Ignorance asked me to write an article on relationships and cheating. Knowing that I usually give more than asked he got more than he bargained for.

What’s the point of a relationship if you know that you or your partner is going to cheat? With the divorce rate at more than 50% and infidelity in “committed” relationship and marriages are even higher, why don’t you just go to your partner and say, “Hey, I love you and I enjoy spending time with you, but from time to time I’m going to get emotionally and physically satisfied else where. But I don’t love them, I love you.”

Is Honesty really the best policy? Or as a society do we prefer to be lied to? All these questions came about when a friend of a friend, will call her Kim, asked her husband if they could join a swingers’ club. He said YES!!!

I’m sure that sex before marriage is wrong in most religions, (so is lying and cheating) so if your argument is going to be from a moral stand point… I hope that you and your spouse are virgins on your wedding night.

So how open is too open for relationships????

Read the full article HERE!!!!!!

Ask The Ass Mondays - Independence Week

2007-07-02T07:23:00.000-07:00

Ask the Ass Monday last week seemed to be dominated by racial topics. I am hoping that in the coming weeks Al “Perm” Sharpton and Jesse Jackson will be stopping by the blog to ask me to apologize for my insensitivity. Ticia with her sexy smile slid me an invite for me to send her my picture… thus revealing the true identity of Andrew. Women smiling and fluttering their eye lashes have gathered much valuable information over the years, but it’s not that easy with me sweetie. Now Anonymous has a fantasy that Andrew is actually an aggressive modern day woman. I’m not sure whether anonymous was a woman or man… I’m thinking it is woman that may have read my “Eating Pussy” article. For all those that submitted questions today I will repost my answers tomorrow. With no further a due here is this week’s installment of Ask The Ass Monday.

Hotnikz – How do I feel about illegally downloading music or movies of actors or musicians that I like?
Yes do download with out “paying” for it. I think this gives artist and the business that finance a chance to show their creativity in creating new and innovative ways to make the customer buy the “real” thing. If it wasn’t for “illegal” downloading in record numbers the ipod might not have came about. You can now watch movies and TV shows on you ipod and many cell phones today. It’s the companies’ responsibility to protect their products in today economy.

Anonymous – They wrote a long poem about the shallow “American” way of life. From the fact that America is preaching human rights in 3rd world countries, we like are women “skinny”…
I’m not sure whether this poem was from an America who has a chip on their shoulder (probably some that doesn’t fit the status quo i.e. a bitter minority, a majority crusader, a plus size person, civil right activity, tree hugging green person… if I left anyone out I do apologize.) or a foreigner that just doesn’t like Americans. But which ever person wrote the poem her are my thoughts. We should preach human rights by somebody, America took on the challenge or at least funded. Maybe we are trying to ease our conscious of our own past, but then again our past is not much different than any other country. In war up until modern day “slaves” have been common. At some point all countries have been slave to another one… It’s called war and at some point there is rebellion that power changes hands and you get your freedom. Now, about our immoralities of our culture… Are Americans having sex at an early age? In my option most people regardless of the country “wait” to have sex mostly for religious reason. A small percentage of people wait fro “love” or marriage. Skinny women…. In different parts of the world and even different parts of the US “beauty” is defined differently. And all societies keep up with their own trends. In your pursuit to be “un-American” you place value on certain things, thus creating your own trends to follow. People have their own preference, that’s why “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Cap – Last week Cap the crusade on the “black” or “African American” conversation last week. I have a question for her and all my readers’ in regards to her comments. She said that “blacks” are the most influential culture worldwide. Do you mean black or African? Do you readers agree or disagree? And has this “influence” been positive or negative? If you read the Bible isn’t everyone from Africa and Middle Eastern region that then migrated to different parts of the world? Every country has a “light” and “dark” people living including Africa, so why are do so many American minorities most “blacks” complaining? “Slavery” was the norm until modern day history. In war on country conquered another and usually enslaved those they defeated… Is American history so different than other countries?

Ticia - Will she ever meet the Love of her Life?
Well, In my humble but accurate always right option: you've already met Andrew so you can stop searching... it gets no better than me sweetie.

Nefty - How do I feel about men being able to get pregnant?
I think that would be a sick joke, but I'm sure some women would love to see how men would handle it. If there body was built to do that then I think they would handle it in the same way women do. Its all in the mind.

dc_speaks - Who do you think will get the Democratic Presidential nomination...will it be the next viable candidate white male, or will the party try to go with the "first" meaning black or woman? what's your take?
I think that the Democratic in their attempt to make themselves different from the republicans they will either nominate the "first" black or woman. It would be good politics, in my option. Now whether or not they will win the whole election is kinda up in the air. It will largely demend on who comes out of the republican party if they will walk away victorious. Alot of the candidates have deep pockets so it will be interesting to see who can buy it this. In a couple of weeks I will probably post an article in how elections are bought, so look for it.

Confessing7girl - Is Andrew The Ass really a Dominatrix woman?
I admit I can be aggressive depending on the day you catch me, but I will leave that male/female fantasy question to the man or woman that created that fantasey. Mystery is good though.

"Ask The Ass" Mondays

2007-06-28T22:24:00.000-07:00

Last week was very interesting. Ticia tried to get the true identity of the ageless and raceless character Andrew the Asshole by asking for a picture... and she thought just her pearly whites would do the trick!! We had a few racial debates... which Cap said she wanted to be light on me now, because I didn't answer the question to her liking. If I don't answer it to you liking... Hell I'm Andrew the Ass you can call me out without my feelings getting hurt me kicking you off my blog. Also last week we had a ghost writer suggest that my character Andrew The Asshole was actually a female on the dominary side!! I must say that is the most any of my readers have thought outside the box. So what will next week bring??? Only time will tell you hold the key, by the questions you ask!!!

Have a Great weekend!!!

The New Slavery

2007-06-27T22:39:00.000-07:00

In this week’s “Ask the Ass” Mondays the topic of slavery came up, along with should there be reparation of any kind. I will not tackle those questions again, but want to bring a new outlook on “slavery.” Today, the shackles of slavery have been broken. Yesterday’s shackles have been replaced with a much more efficient system. This system is not made of iron and steel nor is it based on the color of your skin… its knowledge. This knowledge is what separates the haves and have not’s.

Rockefeller along with several other wealthy business people funded a project which later became Harvard. The study was how to best run a society? The smartest of people came from around the world to participate.

They determined that slavery was not economically efficient way to sustain a nation. They suggested an open aired jail based on knowledge. The problem with out-right slavery is that slaves have nothing to lose so they will run away or have destructive behavior. All of which will bring down a nation, and any 3rd world country is evidence of this.

Give people enough that they will not run away or be destructive. Even though we have our share of problems (or opportunities in work clothes); I have yet to see an American citizen make a raft to sail away or jump the fence to Mexico. This is why slavery was replaced with the middle class, which makes up a large percent of America. These same business men then funded colleges and universities to educate their working force; since, they where the ones paying for this they also had an influence of the curriculum. From the time of birth you are taught to do what you are told, the education system was established with this in mind. As a child your parents tell you what to do; as a teenager your teacher tells you what to do; college your professor tells you what to do; and graduate from college and you boss tells you what to do.

The welfare system was created to keep the poor from being anymore destructive than they already are. America’s “poor,” pale in comparison to the poor of the 3rd world countries.

An educated slaves work harder and longer. Because we a society that likes to keep up with the Jones, they got rid of physical shackles and gave everyone credit. So you go to work… they give you a pay check… you then go spend more than that in another one of their companies or one of their friends’ company. The American dream is available to everyone at 15% interest.

The only thing left was selling the “public” on this new system. They then funded local and national politicians along with special interest groups to promote getting rid of slavery. I was fairly long process that took more than one president’s term, but its how social change takes place.

Out with slavery, in with the middle class. This might seem unfair, but the top 5% know you will not do anything about it. Not because you don’t want to, but because you have been programmed to be workers not to think. The top 5% control more than 80% of the money because they know the rules of the game and they play to win.

Henry ford said it best, “Thinking is the hardest task and that’s why so few engage in it.”
If there is going to be a revolution, this time it will have to start with the way we think.

"Ask The Ass" Mondays

2007-06-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

Week two of “Ask The Ass” Mondays. Sorry for getting this out late. Also how do you guys like the format of the post? And do you guys want to leave questions in the shadow box or do you like having a post an the end of each week to submit them?

1.P. Ricky – Matrix Kama sutra question from last week
I didn't see your question last week regarding this. I am familiar with both words individually, but together I can’t say I am. I have several post tagged “matrix” and I like the Asian writings of the Kama sutra. If it there is more to it let me know.

2.Vi Vi Voom – Should you be able to spank you children?
Yes you should beat I mean spank your children. This should be done in reason and you shouldn’t beat them in the heat of the moment. That’s called reacting, and as adults you should respond to situations.

3.Mizrepresendant – Older Men/Younger Women vs. Older Women/Younger Men which one works the best?There is a new reality TV show tackling this subject. I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this question. It is more of individual preference and stage of life that each person is in. Some people because of their relationship with parents and guardians their perspective on this could dramatically influence their preferences.

4.Soul&Body – Do I Love her?
I love all my blog readers. :D

5.Rod – The question is in Spanish and I don’t speak Spanish, so you will need to resubmit this in English!!! Or if someone wants to translate and tell me what the hell he is saying?

6.Confession7girl – Why do I call myself an asshole? Is this asshole married?No I am not married, nor have a girl friend. Andrew is not my real name it’s a character I created partially based on my personality. Asshole besides the play on words, it is marketing to my readers. When seeing the word “Asshole” you automatically associate it with someone that is sarcastic, blunt and will talk about any subject. This character is meant to be ageless and have no nationality. This also frees up the reader from assuming that because of a certain age or nationality that I should have a particular stance on a topic.

7.JustMeWriting – Why do other races seem to feel like black people should get over it? It being the ramifications of slavery on black America.Great Question – Other races stance on this subject stems from several things. Most races can trace their roots to a particular place, where they rule a particular land. However, “blacks” don’t associate Africa as place that people like them run shit. So most “blacks” live life with a minority complex. “Successful blacks” often referred to as elitist and not-really black live life with a majority complex. Another view point is that in sheer numbers more “blacks” went to South America than they did North America. Another view point is if you look at history slavery was the national next step after conquering a country. Africans fate was no different than any other nation… if we are looking at it from a historic stand point. Slavery regardless of time in history is cruel. I am writing a article later this week that will touch on “slavery.”

8.Cap – What do Caucasians think about reparation for blacks who are descendents of slaves?
If we are defining “Caucasians” as someone with a particular skin color, then we are ignoring the fact that many countries have a lighter and darker version of them. I think a majority of Caucasians don’t feel like “blacks” should get reparations for being descendents of slaves. Some could be racist for not wanting to give them anything, but I would say some feel that it was the nature of war. After invading a country you usually look to take resource from them that will benefit your economy. For Africa it was their people, diamonds, oil and other nature resources. You should go back and read my article “Nobody Gives A Damn.” It expands on my above comments.

9.Angel - Are All Andrews Assholes?
No of course not

10.Caprivilla - How to spank her so that she ask for more?Well, first I would "hit the bottom"(this is making sure you hit the back of the females walls). Them I would probably talk to you dirty, and tell you to ask to be hit more or harder... whichever to enjoy more at the time.

11.Ticia - Why do men have ugly feet?
I can't speak for all men on this one, because my feet look good.

Ask The Ass Monday's Week 2 is Cuming.

2007-06-22T14:59:00.000-07:00

Ask The Ass Mondays is coming up. No one goes to ask jeeves but they do "Ask The Ass" every Monday. The first week things went great. We had some great questions last week; I look forward to this weeks questions.

Love Yourself Today - Masturbation

2007-06-20T23:02:00.001-07:00

Motherfuckin' Anonymous seems to want some credit for the beginning of this post. So I'm adding this intro for Anonymous people on my blog. If you got some negativity leave your name so I can address you. The masturbation article was inspired by Me and Intelligent Ignorance for our character "The Chronic Masturbator" who cums up with brilliant artiles while masturbating. So Anonymous can get a shot of my kids in their left eye... so the sket skets at the end of this post is for their left eye. TIP: Put so visine in you eye it will heal quicker.

Here is the link for the sex toys ladies
http://www.blacklabeladultshop.com/shopping/sex_toys_for_women/1/1

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Masturbation is one of those things that people talk about but supposedly no one does. One would think that since the turn of the sexual revolution it would be more socially acceptable to talk about. {Um yeah… you’re sooooo warm} We live in an age where there is a market that longs to fulfill the sexual desire of any person without the need of a partner. From toys and props to pornography down to {and soooo Juicey} good old fashion KY, (or Jergen’s for those men who won't admit they use lube); the fact is that there are venues and outlets {Ohhh yeah ride that}for anyone who is looking to have a good old fashion time with themselves. So why is it that there is still a sense of public shame when it comes to the act of self love?

Masturbation is OK! {move up and down slowly}You can also enjoy this act with your partner(s) while watching each other. As a matter of fact, it's the safest sex that you could ever have. You should only question it's usefulness if it starts to interfere with...say, your livelihood. If you are spending a lot of your {OHHH yeah you like that?} time masturbating and it is interfering with your school work, your job, or the rest of your life, only then might you want to stop and {Ummm your mouth feels so good} think about why you are doing it so much. A person can become obsessed with anything.

Let's face it, this is something {Awww Harder!!}that we have all tried at one point in time of our lives, and for some it has become a ritual as regular as brushing our teeth and washing our face; but for others it is an event that {Ohhh FASTER}comes sparsely and is followed by extreme feelings of guilt and shame. Is it a cultural thing that tells us that sex is private and to {OH YEAH, right there} admit that we masturbate {Oh Yeah there you go} would be divulging too much {Faster} info into one's personal life?

If at some point during {OH YEAHHHH} the course of reading this post {Skeet Skeet Skeet} you got the urge to touch {AWWWWWWWW} yourself or remembered that you didn't get your daily dose of 5 on 1 contact, {Skeet} please make sure you {Skeet} clean up after yourself. {Oh that felt great} It's just the courteous thing to do. Thanks.

Oh and ladies I didn’t forget about you… have you seen the new luxury line adult toys by the black label? They have a line of vibrators that you can plug your ipod into and it will vibrate to the music. This is a great stocking stuffer or really any occasion. To add a nice personal touch buy an ipod and preload your favorite “together” songs.

Gotta Love Technology!!!!

And couples masturbation is a nice activity to share with your significant other… so I hear!!

Ladies what your favorite song in your ipod? :D

Now that I have RUBBED this post out, I’m going to take me a nap!!! LOL

"Ask the ASS" Mondays

2007-06-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the first installment of “Ask the ASS” Mondays. Bare with me as I cum up with the best format for this. Feel free to leave suggestion on how this would be more reader friendly. Some of the more lengthy questions I might have to give a full explanation in a separate post. I like the fact that everyone can see each others questions, it creates discussion among my readers. I think I will it towards the end of every week. If you can’t wait put them in my shout box. So now that the formalities are out of the way let the games begin.

1.CED – How to hit the MUTE BUTTON on a person who talks all the time? Avoiding violence.*If physically walking away in the middle of their conversation is too rude, then proceed to walk away mentally. Mentally walking away to whatever makes you happy… for me its usually on the back of my future yacht with a cigar in my hand surrounded by friends and family

2.Confession7girl - Personal Likes/Dislikes
*I don’t like JOBS. They give very little time and money. Its only good for taking care of habits like eating, bathing, and clothing… until you start your own company.

3.CapCity - Who came up with “opinions are like an ASSHOLE everyone has one?”
*This probably came from some uptight person that was pissed off at an Asshole and this was the most cunning thing their small brain could come up with.

4.Webmitress - My thought on tailgating pricks and people that are rude in traffic.
*They motivate me to do what I need to do to get my chauffer driven car, helicopter, yacht and plane. When the curtains are closed on a Rolls Royce Phantom you can’t even see the pricks. And of course by air or sea there is no traffic.

5.Jim – Would I ever ban him? Keshi posting her picture every second blog.
*I wouldn’t ban anybody her. People are free to speak their mind at me or any topic that is written. I go ban from a blog once and the people that know me weren’t surprised that I didn’t even last a week. Keshi is very attractive so I don’t mind her posting her picture

6.Keshi – What is the best thing about oral sex?*Wow the best thing? That’s really hard to say… it depends on who I’m eating. Sometimes its hearing her ask “Why are you doing this to me?” the look on her face that says “I can’t believe he made me cum this hard” or if I come across a real arrogant women I enjoy watching her try to run around the bed trying not to have a hard orgasm.

7.Prince – Food/Gaming
*Not sure what was the real question. But I like spicy food and I like madden football.

8.Rajeev - Pamela Lee’s Breast
*Pam Lee or Pam Anderson? I enjoy breast that are propionate to one’s body, but hers are nice to look at though. Didn’t she get a breast reduction in hopes of being taken more seriously?

9.Girl Girl – Why have I been absent from your life?*I haven’t look down in between your legs. Ha ha just been working too hard this last week, so I haven’t been up here as much.

10.Oral sex suxus
*I don’t think it sucks, but its always a plus if you can couple oral sex with mental stimulation and “hitting the bottom.” You got to put the whole package together.

11.Confession7girl/Nefty – What makes a woman irresistible or attractive?*For me ambition is the biggest aphrodisiac. A good self image is a sign she is comfortable in her own skin. A must for me is long hair, at least long enough to grab. It needs to be soft to the touch because I love playing in it.

12.Women – Mates vs. Flings
*That a whole separate post and plus I need some type of research to discuss that.

13.Sugar – When should a couple do the nasty and is there ever a time when she gives it up too quick?*This is a good one. When? When both parties are comfortable taking the relationship there. Timing is heavily dependent on the communication of what each other want. If its just a physical thing then well tonight, but if you are interested in dating this person then take the time to learn about each other. Often because of society a lot of men and women lie about what they really want. If you just want a physical relationship then say that. Don’t tell me about trivial shit that doesn’t matter. If you are trying to date me then should start filling out a questionnaire and look at the requirement and see if you even want to apply.

Ask The Ass

2007-06-12T23:39:00.000-07:00

I going to dedicate every Monday to a reader's choice subject or as I like to called "Ask The Ass" Mondays. You can pic an subject and I will give you a post from an asshole's perspective. Put you topics in today and I will see you next monday to see which topic makes it.

Life on Location

2007-06-10T19:55:00.000-07:00

As you can see in the above video I'm enjoying my day. Being out on the water is extremely calming. So I'm sitting here drink in hand watching Game 2 of the NBA finals with friends.... Then I started thinking (you tend to do tis when you only have 70 feet of distractions before you hit the water.)

Friday I'm at a business mixer with a friend talking to a potential client aout chartering a yacht. My friend describes the yacht as simply space and what it intells is simply limited by your imagination. His initial services were dinner cruises, day spa and romantic kidnapping. Then he had other clients ask for a "girls night-out" pj party and a moraccan themed cruise.

Thinking a little further... LIFE is kind a like this boat I'm laying on... Its simply a space a space in time; what all it in intells is simply up to your imagination. "you have not becasue you ask not." You are the cpatain of the boat how d you want this space? Do you want to write that book; build that hospital; get that jet; buy that island; visit that monument, etc. Do you really? Picking that destination is so important. Like driving a car at night you can only see 200ft in front of you, but you have faith that you will get to your destination.

So lets take it to the next step, no just where do you want to go but what would you e wiling to give up to get there? Guilt, fear, doubt, your "secure job", fitting in etc.

What do you want out of life and what are you willing to give up to get there?

Eating Pussy

2007-06-07T06:00:00.000-07:00

It looks like the ladies won out on the voting process!!! So Eating Pussy it is. Don't worry I will get to the other ones.

On my second tag post "Interview with an ASSHOLE" my tongue was the answer to "What body part do you get most complimented on?" Even though it is a great thing to hear "job well done" it was almost a fatal flaw... once almost sufficating myself. A few women that post comments frequently on my site thought that it was worthly of post and guys your free to take notes.

I think the title says it all "Eating Pussy" Its an art that requires both mental and physical skills that can be learned. Before I share how I almost sufficated women... please keep her trimmed up. Its for your own good!!! You can feel more of my tongue and other things if it is tightly trimmed or completely shaven. Also keep it smelling good and if nature didn't make her taste good, there is plenty of flavors you can buy at your nearest adult store. Now back to my story....

Suffication... First thing to know is that women are emotional creatures that need to be mentally stimulated, which will lead to harder and multiple orgasms. I flirt 24/7 why? because before I eat a woman, she has already invisioned being eaten. When we are not together she will remember something sexual I whispered in her ear or sent her in a text message. Learn to turn anything she says into something sexual. Sending her a suggestive text message in the middle of a serious meeting also works wonders. When those text messages or comments are linked to things she can physically touch and see the effect will be multiplied, because she will think of you everytime she cums in contact with that object. For example my women can not sit at their desk without thinking of me under it, they can't pour syrup on their pancakes without thinking of themselves on my breakfast menu, etc. I could go on but you get the picture. The more objects that they cum in contact with that reminds them of you and cumming the better. This is most important step and will make the rest easy.

Here are several ways in which to eat pussy for the maximun effect. First you can go with the basics to get your technique down (pun intended). With the woman lying on her back simply go down on her. Now when eating pussy think of your tongue as an artist would his brush. Your finger(s) is also a brush that must be used similtaneously to stimulate multiple spots at the same time. He doesn't just throw panint at the canvis and neither should you throw you tongue around with no thought. Prep the pussy before you dive in. Its like a baked potatoe you have to open it up and get it wet before you dig in. Harder is not always better, be sure to communicate with each other. To maximize this position put a pillow under her back... it opens her up more.

Secondly you can eat her from the back, by putting her on her knees. With this a part of the pussy that normally does not get as much attention is the main course. Besides being on her knees this will also work with her bent over an object like a chair, the bed, a desk, a sink, the kitchen counter, etc.

Thirdly eat them while they are standing up. When cumming their knees will become weak, literally. Now for added effect throw one leg over your shoulder. Trying to concentrate standing on one leg while cumming is a difficult task. Beside I get a kick out of seeing them grab the door handle to keep themselves up or falling on the floor altogether. To enhance this position position her to where she is looking at a full length mirror so that she can watch you eat her out from several angles.

The fourth should only be done after one or more of the first three are done. Pussy sitting on my face was how i almost sufficated. First rule of this is to learn how to hold your breath for a really long time. When orgasming she will forget that you need to breath. If the woman has never had someone do this to her she is going to ask "you want me to do what?" You tell her to climb up on your face and feed daddy that pussy. She will like the fact that she seems to be in control. I must also recommend that you get the paint you can wipe down with soap and water. I have makeup stains on the wall above my bed. While cumming they will be grabbing the wall and putting their face against it while cursing you for making them cum and orgasm so hard.

May the rest of your days be filled with many orgasms and if you haven't already SIT on someone's FACE today!!! :-]~

Memoirs of an Asshole

2007-06-06T02:19:00.001-07:00

Get your own Poll!

The Cure

2007-06-03T23:41:00.000-07:00

It was requested that I write a story... So I did. Its a story that starts at the ending and the ending begins wit me and you. Do enjoy!

The Cure is a journey. A journey called destiny. A destiny filled with romance, love, hate, sorrow, joy, pain and much more. To experience joy is to have experience sorrow, to celebrate a win you must have lost a game or two. I enjoy the rays of sunshine because my face has beaten by the rain. All these emotions come through living out ones destiny. Destiny is not something that happens by chance. It only happens when one makes decisions to chase a dream. When in pursuit of these dreams, your dreams will pursue you. The Cure is a tale of two men unalike other than their common thread to live a purpose filled life. These thin threads commonly known as occurrences connect many pieces of the puzzle called fate. The fate of these two men and the world rest on ones ability to live a purpose fill life that will ultimately affect the destiny of mankind.

When taking any journey one must first know the destination in order to chart the route he should take. The destination is where we will start. Imagine a world where no disease can destroy man or a section of mankind, as some believe to be planned events. In order to conceive this one must be willing to remove the limitations of “reality.” Reality is nothing more than ones world that he or she has architected using self-imposed limitations as the mortar to hold it together. Man only uses on average 5% of their brain capacity. Some of our top performers like Einstein used less than 15. Top performing athletes; train hours on end to get their body to do amazing things. The four minute mile once perceived to be un-accomplishable by man, was broken because one man decided it was not impossible. Since that sunny day many men have broken through that wall of impossibilities. The mere existence of rules and records is to spear man’s inter-self to push him and others beyond that point. Pushing past the mental block that ask why, and start asking why not? This competitive nature of man shows its face everywhere. Bath Ruth’s’ records broken by Mark McGuire only lasted a few years to be broken by Barry Bonds. The phenomenon known as Michael Jordan, Air Jordan or simply MJ, birthed such talent of LeBron James and Kobe Bryant who emulate his greatness. The definition of an empire was forever changed by the legendary Roman Empire. The bar of a wealth of a nation is reset time and time again by the world power The United States of America. However un-united we are at times; nobody has yet got on a water craft to sail away from our shores. And however traitorous Our past history is, men made the most of opportunities they were presented with. Destiny, the thin threads created by our decisions, once again has brought the stage of opportunity to prove that we are the greatest nation birthing our greatest resource… our people.

AIDS, possibly the world’s most unforgiving social disaster, a silent killer that lurks for it prey. Every year this assassin strikes without ones knowledge, only for years later for that person to die from his accuracy. Some would argue that slavery vs. holocaust or 911vs Katrina for the top title in human disasters. Not to take away from those tragedies, AIDS has done far more. We knew when the shackles of slavery were clamped; we knew when they were broken. We knew when the plane hit the twins; we know when we bombed them back. AIDS however, does not show it face for many years. Going undetected in ones body for years it lurks waiting to strike. Since there is no defense for this disease it comes and goes as it pleases. How many people really have it, when its attacks are made up of stealth tactics? To date… These are just the ones that we know about. How people are floating through life who do not see the assassin’s shadow lurking over there prey? How many of these floaters are freely giving their friends, family and those one night stands that are hiding in the closet the mark. The mark, allows the assassin to come and go undetected by the human eye. The mark has been recorded more million kills to date, but how many more will drop? Thousands, hundreds of Thousands or more like millions more will drop if The Cure is not found.

We plan to cure the world of from this deadly assassin, using its many alias AIDS sometimes HIV or the silent killer. The Cure is journey of two men’s destiny whose thin threads are intertwined with many other men’s thin threads that will lead to the assassination of the assassin.

Now that we know were we are going we can start at the beginning.

My Favorite MILF

2007-06-01T16:26:00.001-07:00

I want to make an announcement about my Favorite MILF. This week she is coming out with her first published book of poetry, Lavish Line/Luscious Lies. Some of you might know her as Girly Girl or her gov't name Saadia, but she can now be known as Andrew's Favorite MILF... don't worry she will answer to that.

This weekend she is NYC promoting her new book at the BookExpo of America. There is 500 pre-release copies. I happen to have one personally signed, now the rest of the Asshole Nation and the mortals can stop by Barnes and Nobles.com and Amazon.com to get your copy.

You might remember her ASS Poem she wrote for me, now you can get her 1st volume.

Interview With An ASSHOLE

2007-05-29T23:48:00.000-07:00

Ok this is my second time being tagged in the same week. This time I have tagged by the Damn Humbl Devil. He had an interview format and I was supposed to tag people, but I'm not... Why? Cause it has to stop sometime. And I didn't like all the questions so I made up my own F***ing Interview. Do enjoy!!!

Why am I an Asshole?
I am an Asshole, because I speak my mind with very few filters. My sarcastic humor is the truth in the form of a sword.

What pisses me OFF?
The mentally weak people that complain about life and have no plans of doing anything different aka Insanity~ doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

If I president for a Day?
If I was president for the day I would stop the politically correct marketing that we do with the general public. We are going to war to secure our financial interest in the oil fields. We did that in Desert Storm the first time and everyone was ok with it. When asked about torturing prisoners I would say hell yeah we tortured them we also will assassionate people in power if we have too. When they attack us we call it terrorism and when we send navy seals, cia and nsa to do the same we call it protecting our way of life. People are in place to do the dirty work so that you can watch American Idol with out bombs interrupting.

WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
I really want to retire this year.

COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINKS?
Cuban coffee is the strongest and XS energy drink is my favorite because it taste good. Sometimes I have both.
IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
This is only XXX rated thoughts of what I want to eat... LOL

WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
Flowers, poems, deep looks through ones eyes or some dick and bubble gum...Depending on my mood

BLONDES, BRUNETTES, BLACK or BROWN?
I'm a fan of darker hair, but I also like highlights. And who made the rule that you can only have one date at a time? So give me one of both.

WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Besides my ASS... My tongue It cums with a orgasm gaurantee. I have almost sufficated because of my tongue.

IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Hell...yeah... Whats not to like about me? Nevermind this gun to your head LOL

DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
Yes, I believe that everyone wants to do good and until they prove otherwise I trust them.

SIBLINGS?
Oldest of 4 Assholes

ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
No, but most of the time women ask me out.

THINK and Grow RICH or Stay Poor

2007-05-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

The below article is in response to discussions I have had on Ced's Blog and his frequent reader Dave. The discussion was in reference to wealth, poverty, race and class. My stand point has been that your position in life change be changed by simply changing your thoughts. The article is written for wealth vs poverty but wealth and poverty is more than just money its health, relationships and over all way of life.

Join me as I explain the Law of Attraction. Below is a you tube link of successful people speaking on the same subject.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b1GKGWJbE8&mode=related&search=

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“Emotions provoke your thinking; your thoughts will determine your actions; your actions determine your results.”
- Andrew The Asshole

Wealth and Poverty are both REALATIVE term that exists among all races. Poverty can be broken into two categories: Generational – 2 or more generations and Situational – sudden death, divorce, etc.

Wealth and POVERTY can be traced back to one’s thoughts. Considering we generally learn how to think by the environment we grow up in; so it is true that the RICH get RICHer and the POOR get POORer. Whatever tax bracket you are raised in the chances of you do drastically better are highly Unlikely.

INSANITY: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.
“The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.” - John Foster Dulles

Growing up my parents would always tell me that birds of a feather FLOCK together. As adults sometimes we forget that this rule still APPLIES. Take the time to think of your 5 closest friends and your income will be on average within 5% of each other.

If my parents or guardians were POOR; then go to college were 90% of professors are POOR; then I hang out with my neighbors or co-workers who are POOR… Chances are I’m going to be POOR too.

I believe that people can have and accomplish anything they want… But a wise man once me that, “Blowing smoke in your own face will only make you cough.” You can have anything you want, but you aren’t going to get it with you CURRENT thought process. If you could get there with your current THOUGHT process then you would ALREADY be there. If you don’t like were you are in life you can probably trace it back to your thoughts. This change will take time and might even be painful but “Pain is weakness leaving the body.”

BELOW is a chart from Paine’s book “A Frame work for POVERTY.” The chart describes the different thoughts of the different classes to the same situation. BELOW is a list of though-processes from Paine's book “A Framework for POVERTY.” The following describes the different thoughts of the different classes to the same situations. (P) - Poor; (M) - Middle Class; (W) - Wealthy.

Possessions
P: People
M: Things
W: One of a kind Objects, Legacy, Pedigree

Money
P: Used to be spent
M: Managed
W: Conserve, Invest

Personality
P: Entertainment, Sense of Humor
M: Stability, Achievement highly Valued
W: Connections: Social, Political, Financial

Social Emphasis
P: Social Inclusion he or she likes
M: Self-Governing, Self Sufficiency
W: Social Exclusion

Food
P: Quantity, Do you have enough?
M: Quality, Was it good?
W: Presentation

Clothing
P: Individual Style, Personality
M: Quality, Labels, Acceptance into the middle class
W: Designer, Artistic sense, Expression

Time
P: Present Thinking Only
M: Future
W: Traditions, History

Education
P: Not Really Important
M: Crucial for the climbing the ladder of success
W: Necessary tradition for making connections

Destiny
P: Fate
M: Choice, Can change the future with good choices
W: Nobleness Oblige

Language
P: Casual, Survival
M: Formal, Used to negotiate
W: Formal for Networking

Family Structure
P: Matriarchal, Women are the head of the house
M: Patriarchal, Father is head of the house
W: Whoever has the most money

Love & Acceptances
P: Conditional, Based on whether the individual likes them or not
M: Conditional, Based on Achievements
W: Conditional, Related to social standing

World Views
P: Local
M: National
W: International

Driving Forces
P: Survival, Entertainment, Relationships
M: Work, Achievements
W: Connections: Social, Political, Financial

Humor
P: People or Sexual
M: Situational
W: Social Faux Tas
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Can wealth be obtained by simply changing your way of thinking?

The "ASS" Poem

2007-05-23T22:11:00.000-07:00

Girly Girl is one of my latest Noteworthy Asshole bloggers bookmarked and a Noteworthy MILF too :D. Her site is filled with great poetry. Her last poem "Election" all of the lines ended in "ion." She informed me that this is an example a sonic repetition. I requested a sonic reputition of another kind, so upon my request she wrote this "ASS" of a Poem.

Hi, Andrew! Here is your 'ASS' Poem

"Andrew, what an ass
without being crass
sharp--shards of glass
he does not harass
forgives my trespass
riotous, a gas
his words have mass
People, fill your wineglass
this blog--don't pass
Andrew is endearing to this lass"

I'm INSPIRING Poems here People!!!!! Cheers to all my adoring ass fans!!! I Love you ALL!

The Asshole Next Door

2007-05-21T10:15:00.000-07:00

I couldn't resist this tag from Confessions7girl, she always stops by and shows me some Asshole Love!! Plus its a great way for you to get to know the asshole next door in Blogsville.
Rules are:
* Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
* People who are tagged need to write posts in their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
* At the end of your post, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
1. I'm really not an ASSHOLE just intellectually brash.
2. Ambition is an a major turn on for me with women.
3. I only hang with people that are going places in life.
4. My friends have asked me if I would consider running for president one day.
5. I tend to date older women.
6. Women usually approach me.
7. My next car is going to be the Jag XKR convertible
8. Give a man a fish he will eat today, Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his life, Help the man buy the pond and generations to come will eat forever.

Assholes I have taged
* Jewels Ray
* Brandon
* Girly Girl
* Starry Nights
* Rejeev
*Ced.it/Mean.it
*Dreamer Catcher
*DC Speaks
*Crashtest Comic

I Demand A Recount!!!!

2007-05-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

Last Month People Magazine put out an issue of the most beautiful celebrities and some how Drew Barrymore is the winner. Who the hell was on this commitee? She's not ugly, but she sure is not the prettiest celebrity. Maybe she has a nice personality?

Below are pictures of a few celebrities that should have beat drew barrymore out for this top spot. But who should have graced the cover of People's Magazine most beautiful people issue? Ladies I didn't forget you I put some pics there for you to, please join us in this voting process. It might not change the cover but they will be the Most Beautiful ASS!!!!

*********They do not have to be pictured below*************

There's a Market for NIGGAS

2007-05-15T14:48:00.000-07:00

My latest bookmarked blog is ced.it/mean.it he posted the above video, which i had to show him some love like only an asshole like myself could.

There is a push to clean up hip hop music after IMUS's "nappy-headed" comments. Is this really a black hip hop issue? You can find a negative stereotype of all most any race protrayed in some form of media.

The Italian Mafia, South American Drug Lords, African Blood Diamonds, The Middle East Bombers, etc

If you clean up one well, hell should we just get rid of the 1st ammendment all together? Next we will be having a police society like in the movie V for Vendetta.

Is this a real problem and we need to censor everything, or is this just a reaction to recent events that will soon be forgotten?

Women.... As Easy As 1, 2, 3

2007-05-12T13:09:00.000-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen gather around…Like BIGGIE I’ve got a story…A story we will call SEDUCTION. I’m sure the title has women mad at me…BUT now that I have you undivided ATTENTION… WOMEN if you apply these principles you too can have any MAN you want.

*Sex appeal is 50% what you have got and 50% is what people think you got. ~ Sophia Loren*

The practical application of this quote is what I would like to call the art of seduction. This applies to both men and women, The Art of Seduction will give you the ability have pratically anyone that you choose.

***Disclaimer - I am not responsible for the influx of men or women you will attract due to this story****

FIRST Lesson… this dance is not your classic romance movie it’s WAR, and this beautiful lady is a castle that has to be sieged as carefully as any army general. Every step has to be planned and executed with the utmost attention to detail and nuance.

First ACTION… approach the women with a bit of distance and air of nonchalance. Next time together confide in her as would a friend not a potential lover. THIS will throw her off the scent.

SECOND Lesson… Once the woman is confused make her jealous.

Second ACTION…At the next major function showed up with a beautiful lady. Beautiful women usually have equally beautiful friends. Wherever you are seen, be surrounded by BEAUTIFUL women. The young lady will not just be seething with jealously but will see you are someone others desire. This gives you instant value and will make it that much more satisfying to snatch you from their clutches.

THIRD Lesson…Once jealous next MESMERIZES her.

Third ACTION… Began to fail to show up at affairs where she is expected to see you. Then, suddenly, appear at places you have never frequented before, but she will be in attendance. This pushed the HER to a state of emotional CONFUSION that is a prerequisite for successful seduction.

She will begin to laugh harder at your jokes and listen to your stories more closely. She began to ask others questions about you. THESE moves will take several weeks or even months, but the CASTLE walls will fall.

At some point during this SEDUCTION, you may be tempted but do NOT give into frivolous impulses to tell her that you LOVE her. This will ONLY break the spell. Wherever this encounter leads, she loves the ADVENTURE. If you play it long enough where you lead her will NOT matter.

FOLLOW these steps and the ART of SEDUCTION… EASY as 1, 2, 3.

Its Not My Responsibility

2007-05-06T14:55:00.000-07:00

We try so hard to create our own little world that we are safe in because we fill in control

Because we have great certainity that we are not in control

Tragic events of 9/11 caused an increase in security in airports. More recently the killing spree at Virgina Tech is raising concerns of security on campuses around the world. Society wants the government to regulate and take responsiblity for these type of events. These security issues will ultimately lead to a society of microchipped people (i-robots) Companies are now selling this as a service to keep track of your kids and animals. This is simply marketing to make it normal to have it.

Riddle Me This Riddle Me That

2007-05-04T19:28:00.000-07:00

I had a female friend send me the following text message:

“I was dying and I sent you to the store with $1. What would you bring me back?”

My Response:

“I would take the dollar put gas in my car…drive to the nearest drug store…steal a box of flavored condoms in assorted colors.”

She said that this was not the right answer but I figured a few orgasms would revive her.

What’s the right answer to this Riddle????

I was suppose to go to the store and get her some lifesavers

When in Rome...

2007-04-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

I have a freind who works in retail that experienced some racially motivated comments. This event took place in Miami, which some refer to as the capital of Latin America.

She helped a gentleman with some merchandise. The gentleman assuming she was latin american began to speak to her in spanish. Letting him know she spoke very little spansih she responded, "Poquito Espanol" He finished the transaction in English. Leaving the store the gentleman's 4 yr. old son asked his Dad how someone could live in Miami and not speak spanish?

This was not an elderly person that is "too" old to learn... This is a 4 YEAR OLD!!! You should not go to another country and get mad because they don't speak your langauge! That is rude and inconsiderate. But so is me saying, "Remake your raft and sail back to your country in the same raft you came in on!"

"When in Rome do as the Romans Do." - Somebody important

Join The Club!!!!

2007-04-24T23:40:00.000-07:00

Andrew the Asshole is a very sexual person. I’m looking for something new and exciting to add to my repertoire. The basics are your fruits: strawberries and grapes. The intermediates are your sweets: chocolate syrup, maple syrup, honey and ice cream (one of my nicknames is Baskin Robbins, I love to EAT…Ice cream!) I’m introducing a new trend… If you follow the following steps you to can join this prestigious club… The THANKSGIVING CLUB.

At the end of the below clip you will notice a lady buttered up like a turkey and thanksgiving. There lies my inspiration beyond this article.

So I started thinking of a new way to show your affection for your lady. Before you start cooking your significant other dinner, be sure you have the following items: Butter, a sauce brush and some dinner rollers. There is nothing more romantic than a candle light dinner, but we’re going to take dinner to a whole NEW level of ecstasy.

Start by cooking your significant other their favorite dish. While cooking, have a bottle of wine and flirtatious conversation. Flirting is more than what you saw it’s how you say it; how you look while saying it; how you touch them while you say it.

As the entrée and sides are nearing completion, work up the sexual tension between the two. After several long passionate kisses proceed to proclaim your desire for them is just as strong as your hunger for the food. This flattery will excite your partner, but what are words without action?

In a flirtatious sexual tone tell her to grab the food and take it to the bedroom. Put the different sides in serving bowls and your main entrée on a large plate. While you and your significant other are doing this put the butter in the microwave ‘til it melts. Send your partner to the bedroom with the package of rolls and for them to take off all their clothes. Once in the room proceed to BUTTER them UP…Literally!!! Forget the candle light dinner with rose petals this a candle light dinner on a BED of BUTTERED Rolls.

You heard it here first… Follow these steps and you will be part of this global brother and sisterhood… THE THANKSGIVING CLUB

Now let us give thanks for this FOOD we are getting ready to EAT!!!

Overcome To Become!!!!

2007-04-19T18:47:00.000-07:00

I have a friend that has a fear of frogs. The fear is to point you could call it a phobia. She can't even look at a pictures. I was thinking of the best way to help her overcome her fears? I feel the best way to overcome is to get face to face with your fear. So is me throwing a bucket of frogs at her helping overcome her fears or am I just being an ass?

Nature's Fix

2007-04-16T20:59:00.000-07:00

Brazilian women are arguably some of the most beautiful women in the world. They come in all flavors from blonde hair blue eyes to your chocolate brown. To top it over their intoxicating accent whispers “Ummm Papi!” in your ear makes them a commodity. Brazil is a hilly country and many people walk, so their bodies are normally fit. I recently found out that they are manufactured beauties. Brazil spends more money on cosmetic surgery per capita than anywhere in the world.

This brings me to the subject of cosmetic surgery. Some may think this is a shallow way to spend money, but I beg to differ. Don’t think this only applies to women, Men should go get fixed as well. Don’t feel like going to the gym 4x’s a week, buy a chest. If you frown all the time, get a face lift. Maybe your girl didn’t leave you because you weren’t listening, but because you couldn’t give her any “Act-Right” (Good Sex).

Many studies have been done to prove that sexually desired people make more money than the undesirable. Even if you make $50K and the difference is 10% that’s a $200K over your working career. At a $20K investment that is a 1000% return on investment. Not to mention the fringe benefits of looking good. Your teacher gives you better grades through school. Your boss lets you take longer lunch, and don’t forget all the free dinner and gifts you get for looking good.

Cosmetic surgery will increase your self-esteem. The higher your self-esteem, the happier and easier your life will be. So if nature didn’t make you perfect, get help by getting fixed. You already do it with diet pills and hair products, why not take the next step?

RED or BLUE Pill????

2007-04-16T02:10:00.000-07:00

Nobody Gives A Damn!!

2007-04-11T20:51:00.000-07:00

All though this clip from 2007 hit movie, "The Departed" is 4 minutes. The most important thing was said in the begining, "Nobody gives a DAMN, if you want something you have to take it!"

The Black community can stand to take notes from the most recent imagrants, Spanish/Latin Community. In a third of the time that Blacks have been in the country, Spanish people have influence every part of our America culture. America has changed the labels, street signs and any other government signs to be translated into spanish.

Older Spanish people who have been here 20 years and they still don't know English; they don't plan on learning, but Americans are learning Spanish at a very high rate. America has even resorted to pressing 1 for English in America.

They have told our government and the rest of America that they are walking, running or sailing across the boarder unapologeticly. They land and take advantage of the free enterprise system known as capitalism. Oh but, is that how we all got here?

The Spanish community and all most every other race has figured this out... Expect for Coloreds aka Black aka African Americans, as the name has changed through history.

"Nobody gives a DAMN, if you want something you have to take it!!"

Only time will tell how much the IMUS/Rutgers situation and the up and coming presidental race will progress the Black Community. Will that take there place in history or will they continue to play the role of society's victim?

House Guest From HELL!!!!!!!!!

2007-04-10T21:06:00.000-07:00

When you are friends with someone you go out of your way to be a good host and open up your home to them. Staying in Miami, friends and family naturally invite themselves to my place on a regular basis. If I lived in another part of the country I would never see these people, but 80-degree weather in January seems to attract them year-round. A decent hotel will run you $150 a night--$400 if you want to see some water--and a car to get around in will be another $200. These House Guest from Hell are saving over $800, plus they get the sheer benefit of staying with me, and you really can't put a price on that. My guests this particular weekend were two women, older, multi-cultural, and in their early 30's, which are my favorite. These women had cabin fever. They could not wait to hang with a fine brother, like myself, on South Beach… but I disgress.

This weekend started like any Miami day… 80 degrees with a slight breeze, Mojito in hand (For the uncultured, it's a great Latin drink--keep up!), sand between the toes, and tan women from around the globe laying topless on South Beach. There I lay between two women and surrounded by 100's more. Dream life for most, but the typical Miami lifestyle for the locals.

Sounds great right??? BUT...before we could even get to the first Mojito, things begin to go wrong.

When picking their asses up from the airport my gas tank was getting low. I stopped by the gas station to fill up. Do they offer to pay?… No!!! They want to spend that $800 I'm saving them on shopping, I suppose. I wasn't upset, but it registered in the back of my mind.

Driving home we engage in friendly conversation. They begin to ask about my TV show that I have been working on. Little did I know that Krystal, the oldest one, worked for a local TV station back in Colorado; while the younger one, Kodi, had a major in TV at the University of Know-It-All (or Univ of KIA). She offered her professional opinion on why people would not watch it. Even when moving to a new subject she continued to bring it up. Just let it go!

Next we hit South Beach. We go over the bridge with Star Island to our left, where the sun shined off the glimmering ocean. Even though it was noon the streets buzzed with people. Driving down Collins Avenue, the conversation shifts to women. With a heighten excitement Kodi asks “Did you see that lady?” Not certain of which bikini-clad woman she was speaking of I responded, “No, which one?” In disbelief she went on about how great this other chick looked and how I had to have seen her. Low Self-Esteem is so unattractive. I didn't realize which one she was talking about because Miami is filled with exotic women from over 85 countries, so you learn not to turn your head because the next block over there will be another exotic chick that looks just as good. Then they proceed to talk down about their bodies, how they can't compare to these women and how all these people are shallow for looking so good in comparison to them. Yeah, they were right... their European-mix did not put them past a 6, by Miami standards, but don't be mad cause you weren't blessed with good genes; or might it have something to do with that milk shake you are holding in your hands? Maybe, maybe not.

We finally reach the parking garage where parking is $15, which is not unusual. They begin to complain about the cost. Keep in mind that I am saving them a ton of money! They paid, but only because I had no cash. Next, we stop by the Clevelander Hotel, where their outside bars attract tourist starting at 10 am. Mojito time!!! Everything cost a little more in Miami. Our two drinks ran us a little over $20. Kodi reluctantly paid for the drinks on our way to the sand. Before we could get settled on the beach to tan, they begin to complain about the topless women, not because they were offended, but because hers were small by comparison. All I could think was "spare me...just get implants." With all this complaining I look for an out… I call my Uncle who happens to be taking one of his 3-hour lunches from the Private Bank at Bank of America. I met him for lunch. At lunch we discussed the 3 W's that make Miami a paradise: Weather, Water and Women.

Back to reality, I go back to the beach to catch a quick nap. After they finished lying out they were hungry, so we grab lunch at the Clevelander. Being a good host and friend I saved them a couple hundred dollars by making arrangements to get my friend's jeep so that they could use my car for the weekend. We had to go meet him to get the jeep. Because they wanted to lay out we had to go do this during 5-o'clock traffic. Their ungrateful asses complained about how long it took to get the jeep.

We have to hurry to make it back out to South Beach to actually go out. While getting dressed her Fashion Degree from Univ. of KIA accessed my fashionable attire for the night. We were delayed by her self-consciousness of her short hair cut. The long haired women of Miami made her spend an extra hour straightening her subpar hair-do. The hour was in vain since staring at it will not make it grow.

By the time we made it back onto South Beach parking was up to $20. They bitched about paying for this of course. We meet a couple of my guy friends at Clevelander, to start the night off. Ladies got in free but guys were $10, not once did they offer to pay for this out of their $800 savings! Krystal does not drink, even though she seems to be the wilder of the two. She paid for one shot for me and her, which ended up being around $30. She complained, of course! We finally got a call from a friend that was going to get us into this really nice hotel, Singapore. The whole first floor is in all white and equipped with pool table, fine art, sculptures, two bars, and a restaurant. The inside was buzzing, but outside was packed. The outside was filled with beautiful well dressed people, ice sculptures, flat screens, a DJ, two bars, and all white beds that surrounded the pool. Nobody paid to get in, and once again they didn't offer to pick up one drink for me. Not to mention they looked like they were miserable at such a nice place.

Its about 1:30 am and at this point we go back to the Clevelander--which pales in comparison to the Singapore--to party. These old women seemed more at home with these ghetto college students then they did at the hotel. We finally leave out at 4:30 to grab some pizza, which once again they didn't pay for mine.

After worked I called, Kodi to let her know I would be home soon. She was having a hard time sleeping, because she was hungry. I was headed to Wendy's but she wanted pizza and even offered to pick up the tab. Cool, but the pizza places were closed. IHOP was open so I offered to stop there. I got home and we ate together. Afterwards she looked at the bill and asked how much she owed me. I think you offered to pay and the bill is $32, so your ass owes me $32, right??! Wrong! She puts $15 on the table and goes to bed without saying good night or thank you.

The last day, they offered to buy me dinner for helping them save $800 and it was also my birthday. I spoke with them several times during the day and we still had not decided on what type of food. I came home to get ready, and as I get out the shower they informed me that they wanted to go bowling and that they would pick up tab there. Who wants hot dogs and hamburgers? "Not I" said the birthday boy. Then the truth comes out that we were meeting another guy that Krystal had met to bowl. After saving your ass $800, I want some real food at a real restaurant. Then they ask if I could still take them to the airport the next morning.

With a smile on my face I told them that they needed to pack their bags and get the guy we were meeting at the bowling ally to take them to the airport. They laughed and asked if I was serious? As Serious the $800 I saved you? Yes! They had an attitude all the way down to the curb.

In their haste to leave they left a black box. Upon further investigation I realize it's a jewelry box…It all comes full circle. A couple diamond tennis bracelets and diamond earings. They emailed me about them. I gave them my mailing address to where they could mail me $500 for their jewelry. They must think I'm playing so I am sending them the ebay link were they can purchase their own jewelry back.